Okay, I
admit it. I don’t buy into the Christmas hype. Sure, it’s not really that uncommon to tut
loudly at Christmas cards being sold in September or to internally judge that
one family who keeps their decorations up for two months straight. I think we
all know that by dragging the season out to span over months and months we take
away that magical feeling. But I think my skepticism lies deeper than that.
Not
everybody is going to like what I’m about to say but I’m just going to say it
anyway- when did it become about half naked women prancing about in Santa
bikinis dancing to ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ by Mariah Carey? Maybe it's just me but you have to be pretty fucked up to try and
sexualize a holiday which is basically about morality, about hope, about
generosity and about God. Besides which,
what on earth is sexy about an old fat man with a beard who sneaks into people’s
homes? I love Santa as much as the next person but he’s a jolly fat man with
rosy cheeks and a big belly (and who can blame him, we Brits supply the sherry
and 50 states worth of cookies definitely equals a lifetime on the hips).
But who was the genius who saw him in all his bearded glory and thought ‘hey,
can you imagine how hot it would be if chicks dressed up to look like him’. Who
thought that a holiday as pure as Christmas, and a figure filled with as much
childlike wonder as Santa Claus, needed to be added to the uncomfortably long
list of things we sexualize in society.
Whoever they are, I’m guessing they had some really fat, bearded daddy
issues.
All the time is Mean Girls time.
